Meatloaf Mondays
by CircusRunaway
Summary: ONESHOT! Observe: Shizuo and Izaya in their natural habitat, verbally attacking one another from the point of view of our favorite underground physician. Extra short, but written for my extra sweet and patient readers. Implied Shizaya!


**A/N:** IIIII AAAAMMMMM SSSSSOOOO SSSSOOOORRRRRYYYY! Accept this as my short little apology, from me to you, for being such a horrible updater. NaNoWriMo's been kicking my ass this month, and lately Tumblr has been holding me captive as well... in a tower... guarded by a dragon... But I had a little bit of time (though not enough to work on my longer stories) to write before I leave for thanksgiving break, so I just quickly typed up something that's been on my mind for a while! And maybe I'll have a little time at home to update either Sanity is Overrated or Angels and Demons, but don't hold me to it T_T

**Disclaimer: **I DON'T OWN IT OKAY? STOP RUBBING IT IN.

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><p><strong>I am Shinra, and this evening I will be telling you a story from my point of view... DEDICATED TO CELTY!*!.!*! zomg~<strong>

I'm sitting at the end of the lunch table, watching Shizuo and Izaya throw insults across their trays filled with meatloaf.

Nothing beats days like today. Not meatloaf Mondays- I hate meatloaf. And Mondays. No, I'm talking about days when Shizuo and Izaya put away their fists and knives, and rather than fight, they simply verbally clash. It's like watching a ping-pong match. Neither opponent looks like they're doing much, but they both become so intense that it's almost laughable (no offense to ping-pong players. GO PING-PONG!). But mostly I love it due to the actual words bouncing between their teeth. These two come up with the most entertaining banter I have ever heard. Plus, my dear Celty loves listening to the latest Raira gossip.

Too bad no one - not even Celty - sees Shizuo and Izaya's chemistry like I do. It's fascinating.

"Quit kicking my foot, you asshole," Shizuo growls, his mouth full of meatloaf.

"Is that all I am to you Shizuo? I tight, hot, fuckable asshole?"

"What the fuck are you- STOP KICKING ME!" Shizuo stabs the table with his fork.

Izaya smirks. "You like it~"

"You Suck."

"I swallow, too," Izaya says, and I choke on my juice as the raven waggles his eyebrows. _That_ was a new one. Shizuo's mouth falls open, revealing a half-chewed mound of meatloaf.

"You like meat in your mouth, I see," continues Izaya.

Shizuo spits the mush back onto his tray, causing his enemy to crinkle his nose in disgust. "Don't piss me off today," Shizuo hisses as he leans forward menacingly. "I'm running out of places to hide bodies."

"Ohoho~! Shizu-chan! I never knew you were into necrophilia!"

"You-! Why are you even here, flea!" Shizuo's shirt is pressing into his lunch tray, and I open my mouth to warn him about the stain it will leave. But I really don't want to interrupt, so I choose to sit back and pop a baby carrot in my mouth. "Go back to you own school for lunch!" Shizuo adds, and I'm surprised he hasn't grabbed Izaya by his shirt yet.

"But you love telling me when to come," Izaya wines, also leaning forward (his red shirt is already the color of blood, so why should it matter if it gets a nasty meatloaf stain?).

"Why would I like-" Shizuo stops short, and I wonder if his mind is figuring out what Izaya just said. If the rosy tips of his ears are any indication, I'm going to say Shizuo's mind is down in the gutter next to mine.

When Shizuo can't find a comeback, Izaya feigns a shocked expression. "Shizu-chan!" he gasps. "Don't tell me you're thinking of something nasty? You are, aren't you!" His voice turns shrill. "Shizu-chan's perverted!"

"Shut up!" shouts Shizuo. He stands up, knocking his chair to the floor. The noise in the lunchroom dies down, and all eyes turn to our table.

I knew we should have eaten on the roof today.

"But I thought you liked it loud?" Izaya says after a moment. He cocks his head to the side, sticking his fork seductively in his mouth.

Or at least I assume it's seductively. I wouldn't know, you know? Right, I mean, how could I even notice something like that from a male point of view? Don't tell Shizuo I thought that, I'm just saying-

"Fuck you!" growls Shizuo, saving me from explaining myself to myself (what the fuck is wrong with me?). As soon as it leaves his mouth, however, I can tell Shizuo is regretting his word choice. His face turns red, and before Izaya can open his mouth, Shizuo grabs him back the collar and hurls him like a Frisbee.

Well, that's my cue to leave. I grab my last carrot before moving out of the way so Shizuo can throw the table across the room. I watch without any feelings of remorse as my disgusting meatloaf smacks against the ceiling, staying there like some sort of gooey, sticky brain. I edge out of the cafeteria after the other students, biting my carrot as I take one last look into the room.

"Izayaaaaa!"

"I love it when you scream my name~!"

This, my friends, is foreplay at its finest.

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><p><strong>AN: **I think I love telling stories from Shinra's POV. Don't you like it? I did.

Thanks for reading! I know it was short, but I hope it holds you over until my other updates!

**Love, CircusRunaway**


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